by Goyte’s Someone That I Used to Know could almost be this summers anthem, I hear it everywhere and loved it myself until it became a little overplayed. The title perfectly sums up the emotions many of us go through when a relationship ends.
Of course Goyte is talking about romatic relationships (“Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over”…Ouch!) , but lamenting that someone is not who you thought they were is something we’ve all experienced at some point(s) throughout our lives.
When I’ve experienced this disappointment I try to take it as a lesson learned:
- Don’t build people up
- Realize all of us are humans
- No one is perfect
But one thing I didn’t think of was how that experience can affect what we think of new people that we meet.
Recently, I met someone who was a little annoying. You could say this person “got under my skin.” At first I couldn’t understand why this person (let’s call him “Sam”) annoyed me. Then I realized “Sam” reminded me of someone that I used to know:
- From similar regions of the US (similar accent)
- Similar communication style
- Skeptical of HR
You see, Sam reminded me of a manager I used to know: a senior leader who was a belittling and demeaning, micro-manager. Unfortunately for Sam, he happened to be from the same region of the country, had a similar communication style and was a little introverted, which came across as unfriendly.
After thinking about it I realized that I had likely misjudged Sam, the next day I made an effort to be friendly and get to know him. After making that effort I realized “Sam” was actually a nice person, with a wealth of experience. The skepticism of HR was understandable because of some previous negative experiences. He was definitely introverted but had lots of thoughts and ideas to contribute when prodded a little.
Bottom line? We’ve all had experiences in the past where someone has hurt us or left us with a bad taste in our mouths. Sometimes we use that past experience to justify writing someone off or writing off an entire group of people. Before you do that stop and think critically about why you dislike a person. Are there real concrete issues or is it your past experiences bubbling up and coloring how you think today?
I’m going to be on this planet probably another 30, 40, 50 years…I’m glad I realized today how much the past colors our present and future. It is practically human nature to use past experience as a benchmark. It’s even harder to take a step back and challenge your perceptions.
No clue who Goyte is? Check out the video below:
