I’m starting to think that the word “No” is a pretty powerful word. I’ve heard in the past that “Yes” is a far better word, that it endears you to people, that it makes you appear flexible, and that you are more “likable” (whatever that is or means). I’m not sure about that, I’m starting to think that only suckers say “Yes” all the time.
Maybe I dislike the word yes because there is a lot of pressure to always say “Yes:”
“Yes, I would love to buy some magazines/candy bars/girl scout cookies.”
“Yes, I would love to pick up your kids for the umpteemth time”
“Yes, of course you can put your name first on our paper.”
Saying Yes is for suckers
Think about all the times we say “Yes” to something we really don’t want to do. We know we don’t want to do it but we say “Yes” anyway. Why do we do that? It could be any number of reasons. Maybe we don’t want to come across as mean or rude or unfriendly. Or maybe we want to help and don’t really think about the time commitment involved.
Think about the last time you said “Yes” to something you really didn’t want to do. It probably created a lot of other feelings in you: discomfort, anger, nervousness, anxiety
So why keep doing that to ourselves? Saying “No” is far more difficult because it upsets expectations and norms.
Saying No upsets the order but it can change the world
Rosa Parks had the courage to say “No.” She refused to move to the back of the bus. She said “No” and threw down for the civil rights movement. Pretty powerful if you ask me. Now I know that most of us are unlikely to change the course of history by saying “No” but maybe we can change our little corner of the world? Think about what would change if you said No:
Would you have more time to spend with your kids?
Would you have more money in the bank?
Would you have less crap cluttering your house up?
Would your employees enjoy working less overtime?
Would you have some time to yourself?
Would you be a fitter person?
Would you be a happier person? Less angry? Less bitter? Less resentful?
Sometimes we have to endure some initial discomfort to get the things we want: time with our families, a break for our employees, time to work out, or a truly relaxing day at home. It’s okay to say “No.”
Melissa,
With so many options to fill our time, I’ve tried to focus on what things are really important to me and what things really make me happy. Those priorities have to come first which can often require letting go of what other people want us to do or think we should do.
It helps to care a lot less about what other people think. And it’s not about being disrespectful to them. It’s about being respectful to yourself and what you really want.
I’ve also had to say no to things that were basically just a waste of time like watching TV too much. I can easily waste an hour or two on the weekend by watching a show I’m really not all that interested in.
I think it’s good to step back and think about how we spend our time and how we can spend it in a way that will make us happier.
Couldn\’t agree more. Some of us tend to schedule ourselves to the breaking point. That is not healthy for any of us. Thank you for the comment.
Oh, what would the ‘Yes Man’ author say after reading this? Seriously though, I think it’s a great post and it’s good to be reminded that thinking about ourselves is ok once in a while.
Absolutely! I think many of us have forgotten that it is okay to say \”no.\”